Category Archives: LifeMastery

Uncovering Your Needs… Identify Yours to Achieve Lasting Happiness

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What does real happiness mean to you?

In this fast paced and highly competitive world we strive to succeed, it is all about looking good, status, saving face, the house we own, the car we drive and the clothes we wear, what we look like. This is what most people focus on and when they lose that focus they are fighting to survive. What happens is that we are working to meet our physical needs, but what drops out of view are our emotional well-being needs and lasting happiness deep down.

We are asleep while we are awake, it is as if we are slowly dying inside. When these needs are not met we turn to drink, drugs, or other stimulants. Our home life suffers, our relationships suffer and we become depressed. We see this more and more in society, take the example of the world of celebrities; they seem like they have it all, but how many of them do we hear about who commit suicide or over-dose on drugs? It is becoming a truly worrying social dilemma.

In essence, it is all about the needs we focus on as ‘important’ and getting those needs met. If we become absorbed in meeting only physical needs we begin to lose connection to our emotional well-being and we wonder why life becomes one long tedious struggle where we sink into crisis and lose sight of our real happiness. We begin to wither inside and our emotional state begins to impact our psychical state. It is therefore important to identify the needs that bring you lasting joy and fulfillment.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow first introduced his concept of the hierarchy of needs in 1943. This hierarchy suggests that people are motivated to fulfill basic needs before moving on to other more complex needs. There are five different levels in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Five Levels of the Hierarchy of Needs

  1. Physiological Needs: These include the most basic needs that are vital to survival, such as the need for water, air, food and sleep. These needs are the most basic and instinctive needs in the hierarchy because all needs become secondary until these physiological needs are met.
  2. Security Needs: These include needs for safety and security. Security needs are important for survival, but they are not as demanding as the physiological needs. Examples of security needs include a desire for steady employment, health insurance, safe neighborhoods and shelter from the environment.
  3. Social Needs: These include needs for belonging, love and affection, which are considered to be less basic than physiological and security needs. Relationships such as friendships, romantic attachments and families help fulfill this need for companionship and acceptance, as does involvement in social, community or religious groups.
  4. Esteem Needs: After the first three needs have been satisfied, esteem needs becomes increasingly important. These include the need for things that reflect on self-esteem, personal worth, social recognition and accomplishment.
  5. Self-actualising Needs: This is the highest level of needs in the hierarchy. Self-actualising people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others and interested in fulfilling their potential.

Physiological, security, social, and esteem needs are deficiency needs, meaning that these needs arise due to deprivation. Satisfying these lower-level needs is important in order to avoid unpleasant feelings or consequences. These needs are similar to instincts and play a major role in motivating behaviour. Self-actualising needs, at the highest-level of the hierarchy, is termed as growth needs, which do not stem from a lack of something, but rather from a desire to grow as a person in order to achieve lasting happiness and fulfillment.

You often find people speak of not being happy, lack of motivation, overwhelmed, lack of vision, fearful of the future and disconnected from love, creativity and joy. It is always surprising that these people are often highly successful, have a career that they are happy with and earning good money. In fact, outwardly their lives seem good, however they want something more because many of their needs outside of work are not met.

Are your needs met?

If your answer is ‘No’, get in touch to book your coaching sessions with me for support. You will learn to:

  • Reconnect to your values which will become your guiding lights and evaluate what is important to you.
  • Identify the deficit of your needs. Connecting with the deficit will help you realise that you are simply no longer living life in line with your values which leaves you immersed in shadow.
  • Reformulate your vision and move towards the life you say you want.
  • Begin to carve out a path towards a happier and a more fulfilling life.

Graham Kean, MA (Psych), MMC (IAC)

Constant Complaining Damages Your Relationships, Work Productivity & Health

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Constant complaining- do you complain about your life or your job all the time?

When you are complaining about something or someone, you know the situation; – why me? – it’s not fair, – why can’t my life be different? – this really annoys me, – this person is a pain, – my life is a mess, – I never have time, – I never have enough, – I hate my job, etc, etc, etc… and you do NOTHING about it, you are RUNNING YOUR RACKET.

What is a RACKET?

A constant and persistent complaint, that you engage in, yet do nothing about.

You are a RACKETEER.

Rackets or constant complaining manifest when people suffer loss of power, loss of freedom or the ability to fully self-express.

People use rackets as a venting exercise to:

  • Justify being right or be seen as the ‘winner’ in a situation
  • Dominate others or avoid domination by others
  • Invalidate others, self-justify or self-gratify to make themselves feel better

Complaining is easy, because we do not have to challenge ourselves, or take responsibility, as long as we complain. Running your rackets or complaining relentlessly can become a habit without you realising. We become addicted to constant complaining because it is the best excuse for not taking action. Complaining can be contagious. You often find in a situation when you complain within an organisation that others get enrolled like a domino effect. Of course, we feel comfortable after complaining however, nothing get fixed but it has consequences.

Constant Complaining Damages Your Relationships, Work Productivity & Health

Compromised relationships. Complaining relentlessly to people in your private life, or working environment, invades the other persons’ personal space. Being at the receiving end of complaints leaves no room for the other to share their own feelings and emotions about the situation. This hinders your real connection with others when you surround people around you with endless negativity. Dysfunctional interpersonal relationships like this can gradually erode the happiness of all concerned especially the angry emotions they experience which lead to resentment and withdrawal. When present to your constant complaining people feel trapped and will eventually start avoiding you to gain freedom.

Reduced productivity at work. We hear people complain about their jobs all the time; the unreasonable boss, long working hours, restrictive company policies, uninspiring office space, demanding clients, the list goes on. In fact, studies have demonstrated that complaints hinder productivity in the workplace. Constant complaining is destructive, and worse of all, it does not support our path to success.

Damage to health, vitality and well-being. Scientific research shows that complaining for 30 minutes a day can cause physical damage to your brain, this is because exposure to negativity impairs the part of the brain used for problem solving and cognitive function. This adversely impacts the way we retain information and our ability to accommodate new situations. Also, listening to someone complaining, gossiping or spreading nasty rumours for more than 30 minutes a day can lead to neuronal disconnection and accelerate cell death!

Constant complaining is clearly detrimental to all of us. We are not achieving our goals and getting the results we desire. It affects our relationships with others, lowering our work productivity, our life at home with loved ones and ruins our health.

Ready to stop constant complaining? Here is how you can stop the venting, break your habit, and effectively stop running your rackets:

Notice, as you begin your week, how often you complain and your attitude while complaining? It is as if you become your complaint, you act in line with your complaint, whinging and moaning endlessly. It can even be just to yourself, yet you do nothing to make the shift needed to get out of the situation and take action to make positive change. The key is awareness… stop empowering the RACKET and take action to change it. Shift it, look for what’s POSSIBLE, turn your complaints into REQUESTS. Be a contribution rather than a drain. Look to see how you can make a positive difference, be action focused not racket focused.

We all have our rackets….what’s yours?

For further support, get in touch to book your coaching sessions with me. You will learn to:

  • Become more aware of your habits of constant complaining
  • Work out what you intend to achieve and clarify your goal
  • Identify who to communicate with to achieve the results you desire
  • Take responsibility and figure out the action steps towards your goal
  • Show up powerfully in order to effectively communicate what your issues are (the complaints) and come up with suggestions for resolve

Graham Kean, MA (Psych), MMC (IAC)